"Sometimes, you have to get angry to get things done." — Ang Lee
I remember one of the greatest mindset shifts I had was when I found an endless supply of fuel to get myself to do things I needed to do.
I remember a time when events and interviews made me nervous. I remember not wanting to do what everyone else was doing with minimal effort. And I remember when I didn't know how to do what was best for me. But I knew I needed to do these things eventually.
I'm always in my head trying to figure things out and trying to teach myself how to stop doing what I thought was bad behavior. I share the belief that there is a solution for everything in our minds.
And while the mind is complex, the only real solution to the non-medically treated problems in our heads is mindset shifts.
The mindset shift that helped push me to do things I was afraid of was to do it out of spite. Do it because you don't think you can. Do it and see how bad it can go. Do it because it angers you.
A feeling of not being able to do something should make you want to do it more.
And if it doesn't, fuel it with spite from another source.
Fueling through spite
The biggest difference between someone who is bad at something and someone who is good at something is experience. It's mostly always experience.
And while it may seem bad to do things that you are inexperienced in, do it to get ahead of the others around you who are also inexperienced.
While it's an egotistical take — to do things because some others can't — don't focus on that. Do it because the ones that think you can't are only right in the moment.
If something is worth doing, it's worth doing poorly.
A huge differing factor between me and my friends is I love interviews. I'm great with them. Yet I'm often riddled with anxiety for everything else.
There are two reasons an interview is different in my mind.
- You only ever have your first interview once — if you blow it, your next interview is going to be so much better.
- I want to prove to the people around me that I am not wasting my time and the interview I am going into is where I can get that position and make those who have doubts for me see that they were wrong.
Some people will tell you it's not good to do things out of anger, but convert the anger away from people to the internal you. Be angry at yourself for not being able to do something. Then show yourself that whatever you don't think you can do you were wrong about.
Everyone has those moments in the shower when they win an argument with someone they had a long time ago. You wish you can go back in time and prove them wrong.
And to me, the best feeling is proving others wrong. Even if they never doubted me. If I was really only doubting myself, there is a fuel there and I can fuel my own fire with the want for that feeling again.
Anger is not a negative emotion
Another disagreement I've had with friends of mine is that anger is not a good source of motivation.
There's a ton of bullcrap online about "being true to yourself" or to "go with the flow" or whatever else you might read to be productive. But until you try it, you won't know how far being angry and trying to prove a point will get you.
I always tell people who ask me about writing what changed in my mind that made me like writing. And a few years ago, I figured out why.
A good piece of writing is like a rant. When you get pissed off in an argument with you or people and you hit point after point, conclusion after conclusion, whatever you said could turn out to be a great piece of writing.
When you can read passion, when you can feel someone trying their hardest to get what they want, why would them being pissed off at the idea that they might not get it trouble them? It fuels them.
We might force ourselves to spend an hour a day doing some activity or practicing a skill. But when the sink breaks, your computer file gets corrupted, and the wifi stops working, you bet your ass you have no perception of time in trying to fix whatever is broken.
Anger gets things done. If you feel differently about that, then go about finding other ways to get stuff done, but some practical advice that I have benefitted from more than words can describe is using anger as a fuel.
Spite is just another form of anger. It's anger with a source. Find a source that fuels you and do it because it's the hardest thing on your list to get done. Don't go to bed angry, stay up all night because it must work and it not working isn't an option.